By W. G. Warren.
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So we are off to Spartanburg for a movie. “Why not treat ourselves?” But first, a stop for fuel. KER-CHING! Since we were early for the movies, “let’s stand in line and pay our automobile taxes,” said she. We did. The line was long – but of course. South Carolina could finance a third world revolution just with that ungodly tariff. KER-CHING!
We were still quite early for the movie, so I suggested, as we passed by, a short stopover in Northern Tool. Now mind you, this is a guy store. I’m safe in there. No ker-chinging unless I initiate the ker-ching. I would be a joyful character just walking around whistling and wishing as are most others of my testosterone and testicled species. Before I go any further, allow me to proffer a definition of terms:
KER-CHING - the rapid movement of my golden coin becoming someone else’s golden coin.
KER-CHING, KER-CHING – the double ker-ching has the dubious pleasure of two credit cards being maxed out in one morning shopping spree of savings.
SAVINGS: the term that stimulates woman’s logic.
WOMAN’S LOGIC: the more you spend, the more you save.
MAN’S LOGIC: huh?
Anyway, we rolled out of Northern Tool with a tool cart on wheels. KER-CHING! Cynthia saw the ubiquitous “savings” sign. Evidently she desired my hammer and screwdriver be wheeled from room to room in the lap of luxury while her dunderhead husband performed his “Daddy-Do” list.
“Oh, we’re still early for the movie, so let’s pop in Lowes for a second or two,” said she. Yeah, right. Whew, just odds and ends. Nothing that required a loan. Nevertheless, KER-CHING!
As we walked out of Lowes, she said pointing, “Oh, lookie over there, Best Buy.” How convenient, right next door. Now, I know what you are thinking. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t, not possible, how . . .? If you are a member of the X chromosome species, you would have applauded her shopping acumen – or is it her eyesight for seeing that omnipresent signage? A 50 inch HD TV. And get this – ON SALE! Who would have believed? KER-CHING, KER-CHING! And that ain’t all folks.
Movie time. I walked my broke bum up to the window. The pretty lady said that will be $22.50 please. Huh? What ever happened to a $6 movie? It’s in 3D, she explained. KER-CHING! I procrastinated a moment, really a nano-second and proclaimed $22.50 was the best bargain of the day. For some unfathomable reason, I envisioned Cynthia ker-chining her merry fanny to the Mercedes Benz store. With all the savings from the ker-ching stores, I could re-retire.
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Click to see: Nobody's Nomad by W. G. Warren.